whenever the hands of the clock crest and drop over the other side into the wee hours of the morning, that's when I think of him
wondering what he's dreaming about
if it's a bright world filled with disney characters and
Randy Newman's delicious voice

I think about how much he loves his hats
reminding myself to get him a new one
maybe something lighter for summer

there were so many days I'd draw him and place a crown on his head and a dog by his feet
he'd direct me
coveting my pen-holding hand and insisting on certain versions of his likeness
there's the one on the train, pulling a circus behind him
then there were all the animals that I had to learn to produce in a few strokes
dog
cat
lion
bear and of course
Wolf howling for the changes that were coming

The drawings have stopped but I still feel his hand on mine pushing the pen around
asking me to come into his world and sit with him

the clock moves toward two
i wonder if i'll ever sleep again or if i'll just spend my nights walking the desolate backroads of a past life holding my breath for an impossible future

i wish a world of his dreams for him
a world where he's singing Beyond the Sea
and everyone's listening